Updated: Jun 15, 2021
Four years ago, I found myself dumped. I was SHATTERED. I felt hopeless and abandoned. My boyfriend, or should I say Fiancé, (I always hated that word!) of over 4 years left me. He left me the day that I got back from burying my grandfather, the man who raised me. In one week I was forced to say goodbye to two of most important men in my life.
It was and has been one of the greatest lows of my life, but it was one of the most transformative experiences of my life as well. I went from being 5 months away from getting married and having my “happily ever after”, to being destitute and homeless with huge financial burdens and 3 dogs to feed.
I learned so much about myself during that time. How to heal my heart, how to strengthen my self-worth, how resilient I was, and how to put my life back together brick by brick.
But I want to share with you the two biggest lessons I learned during that period of my life. Are you ready to hear it? And when I mean “hear it”, I mean truly and fully accept it and process it as the truth.
Here it goes:
1. Manifestation and the Law of Attraction can change your life.
2. WHEN A MAN WANTS TO BE WITH YOU, HE WILL BE WITH YOU. (What this article is about!)
When a man wants to be with you, he will. No matter what. NO MATTER WHAT. And if he doesn’t, then he’s not the right man. Period. PERIOD.
I had to learn this the hard way. Scratch that. I had to learn this the excruciating way.
You see, 2 months after my boyfriend left me and I had actually started to eat and make mild progress, he came back around and started trying to get back into my life again. In what capacity? I wasn’t sure, but I had hopes that he would come back for good and we could get back together, ride into the sunset and just have this be a minor (huge) blip on our relationship radar. (You know, because that would be a healthy relationship right?! Face palm.)
At that point, I just wanted the gut wrenching pain to stop. When we are in pain, we aren’t thinking clearly. We do stupid things and we throw logic and reason out the window. We stop listening to our intuition. We lack alignment. We are willing to say and do anything in order to put a band aid on the issue that is causing us so much pain. Rather than tend to the festering wound and commit to the time and work needed to truly heal it, we just want to cover it and hope it heals on its own. Obviously you’re thinking that I opted for the long process of truly healing the wound. Nope! Not me. Gimme the band aid! Give it here! (I did eventually, but it took a while to get there.)
I would’ve taken him back in a heartbeat had he decided that he wanted to come back.
So when he did start calling to see what I was up to, texting me loving and confusing messages, and hanging out with me again, clearly I wanted to know where we stood. He would always give me a vague answer.
Have you heard these before?
-I’m just not in a mental place where I can commit.
-I don’t really know what I want right now.
-I’m so lost and confused, please just be patient with me.
-I love you so much, but I think you deserve more than what I can offer at the moment. (It’s true. Believe it and move the F on!)
-I will always love you, but I’m just too busy right now to give you the time you deserve.
-We will be together once things cool down and get less complicated (Yeah, because life gets less complicated, right?! I call BS sistah!).
Do any of these sound vaguely familiar? I’m sure you have some that I missed on this list too! (Please feel free to share them with me so we can laugh together!)
The point is, at that moment, I believed him. ALLLLL of his excuses. All of them. So with hopes that eventually he would come around, I decided to stop trying to move on. I decided to put my life on hold in order to wait for him to make up his mind. At that point, I would’ve said that I wasn’t doing that. (DENIAL!) I would’ve lied to myself and to my friends and said that I was moving on the best I could but that I still had love for him. So if you’re going through this currently, ask yourself this….in what way are you putting yourself “on hold” for this person? Be honest with yourself. Brutally honest. Are you putting a dream, goal, activity, hobby, move, dating, etc on hold because you think he will come back around?? DON’T. DO NOT!
Why??? Simple. BECAUSE WHEN A MAN WANTS TO BE WITH YOU, HE WILL!
When I look back at this, it truly breaks my heart at how little self respect, self love and self worth I had (I’ve done a lot of inner work and have learned to forgive myself and value this experience). Not only that, but it shows me just how disconnected I was from my higher self, my intuition. I knew very well that I was making excuses for him. I knew very well that I was accepting less than what I was worth. I knew that I wasn’t valuing myself. I knew all of this because my Inner Bruja knew it. Had I bothered to connect to that part of myself and truly listen to the deep wisdom hidden inside of me, this could have all gone differently. I would’ve sent his ass packin’ ages before I let myself get to that point of hurt and despair. But, alas, I wouldn’t be here, with my story, sharing my experience in hopes to help others if it weren’t for my lack of connection with myself. Everything is a lesson.
It’s easy to say this now that I’m coming from a place that is healed, happy and healthy. It’s very hard to do that when you’re in pain. But it is possible. I eventually did it. So can you.
Back to the point…I believed him and all his excuses.
Realizing that I was making excuses for my Ex not being with me was one of the most painful lessons I have ever learned. He didn’t want to be with me. Period. But, I kept believing his excuses and reasons of why he left and how he loved me but didn’t want us together for “my sake” because I was so special to him. Then, you know what happened? After months of the uncertainty, I got fed up and sick of living in a toxic push and pull with him. I knew I was worth more and deserved better. So even though it hurt like hell, I decided to cut the cord. And I’m so glad I did. I ended up finding out later that he had slept with someone else rather quickly after our break up. To make matters worse, it was his new roommate that he had assured me he “wasn’t even attracted to”. And guess what….once again, I had believed him at that point! They ended up getting together (it didn’t last).
Do not be like me and swallow all of the excuses.
IF A MAN WANTS TO BE WITH YOU HE WILL.
He will move heaven and earth to be with you. That’s the kind of man you want. That’s the kind of man you deserve.
How many people do we know (both men and women) that have done remarkable acts of love and devotion to be with one another?
That’s because when you find the one that you love and that person also loves you in return, you make it work. And if you do for one reason or another let them go at some point and then realize you truly love them and don’t want anybody else, you spend any amount of time necessary doing the work it takes to have them in your life again (if that’s possible and both parties are willing).
In the end, going through that breakup was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It will be for you too. Being able to let go of someone who doesn’t want to be with you creates space in your life for someone who does. It’s not fair to you to keep holding on. Let them go.
If a person wants to be with you. They will.
Anything less is unacceptable. Period.